Deleted Post by ESPN Baseball Forums

The following is a post on the Phillies forums at ESPN that was deleted not once, not twice, but three times. The board monitoring at ESPN resembles something out of the history books of a toltolitarian state. Consequently I felt there was no other option but to begin this blog.

Phillies Solve Werth Problem

-- Philadelphia

Just a day after Jayson Werth found his American Dream, Ruben Amaro, the Phillies GM says he has found a solution.

"Our scouts and our organization were prepared for this day. We knew all along that we would never be able to re-sign Jayson Werth. He just was not willing to take our three year offer. We were willing to guarantee him a lifetime coaching job with the Williamsport Crosscutters after his playing days were over, but he decided to play ball with Scott Boras instead of us."

Phillies forums were full of posters praising Phillies management for showing fiscal responsibility, and Ruben Amaro returned the favor.

"I want to thank the true fans for standing up for us in our hour of need. There is one kook online who talks a good game about us drawing 700,000 more fans than the Red Sox, and the Red Sox spending all those millions more on their payroll, but the true fans understand that this is a business, and business is about the bucks, and the Phillies are owned by three Bucks, James Mahlon Buck Jr., William C  Buck and Alexander K Buck. And thanks to 3.8 million fans turning out we made a lot of bucks.”

So now that the Phillies are raising their ticket prices, and the price of hot dogs and beer, what can Phillies' fans expect as a replacement for Jayson Werth, the second best Phillies' outfielder in their 127 year history?

“Our scouts have been scouring this entire planet looking for a way to replace Werth, and our sharpest eyes in Alaska have found our man.”

And the answer is?

“Nobody has heard of Robert Coste, but our fans have long memories unlike those rich guys in Boston. They remember what an impact Chris Coste made here in Philly. And our scouts in Alaska have found his older brother Robert who played for the Mount McKinley Grizzles softball team this past summer and had a 1.232 OPS. Imagine that, a 1.232 OPS!”

Amaro was out of his seat actually screaming. The veins bulging from his neck.

“This guy can't miss! I'm telling you that Albert Pujols had better be ready the first week of April or he can kiss his MVP dreams goodbye!”   

Just then Dave Montgomery knocked on the door and popped his head in.

“Ruben, you didn't tell the press about our secret weapon did you?”

“I'm sorry Mr. Montgomery, but I couldn't hold back anymore. Our scouts worked so hard and this guy is such a talent, a real stud. And a Philly kind of guy too!”

“Ruben! We talked about this! Now everyone will know and it will spoil the surprise!”

“I'm sorry Mr. Montgomery, but that kook has been saying such bad things about you and I thought it was time to answer back and let everyone know how we're going to sweep whoever shows up to play us in the World Series because we did things the right way, not the Red Sox and Yankees way.”

Montgomery made a face, like he was about to forgive his own son then turned to make a statement for the record.

“What Ruben has said should not have been said at this time. However, it was said with the best of intentions, and I have to confirm that it's true. Robert Coste will take the baseball world by storm. Phillies fans are in for a treat!”

And then he was gone. The Wharton School wizard of dollars disappeared. No doubt to plan the next step in the dynasty known as the Phillies.

William Y. Giles
1755 N CEDAR LN
VILLANOVA PA 19085

James Mahlon Buck Jr.
121 ROSE Lane
HAVERFORD PA 19041

JOHN S MIDDLETON
343 AVON RD
BRYN MAWR, PA 19010

JOHN MIDDLETON INC
418 W CHURCH RD
KING OF PRUSSIA, PA 19406

William C  Buck
27O HOTHORPE LN
VILLANOVA, PA 19085

Alexander K Buck
4535 PROVINCE LINE RD 
PRINCETON, NJ 08540 

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